My Achy Breaky Heart

Now I know what it is to have a grieving spirit. In the past 2 weeks I've have heard of two atrocities.


NORTH KOREA
One was when I was at my friend's house and we were trying to find something on Netflix to watch. So we both like documentaries and love Asia so when we found these 2 documentaries on North Korea we had to watch them.

In one of the documentaries a man from the middle east went to North Korea to reach a goal of healing 100 patients with cataracts. He, as so few have, was able to come in a treat the North Korean people. They said kids don't develop cataracts but when malnutritioned, anyone can get it. And there are several children there who develop this.

And the North Koreans are so deceived that when they were healed of their cataracts, instead of thanking this doctor or his team, the people would immediately go to the picture of their leaders, Kim Jung Il and Kim Sung Il, and bowed and thanked them with great enthusiasm. And then after this whole room full of people, over 100 patients, had realized they were healed thanked and basically worshiped these men, who were the reason most of them were malnutrioned and developed cataracts in the first place.

And as I stare at this screen watching over 100 people worship these men and knowing that a lot of the country sees them as gods, I felt sick. I was angry and I started to cry.

How dare these men lead God's creation to worship them! How dare they take this from God? This is for God and God alone. I don't know if I ever declared that before in my life before this, but I couldn't stand it! When you experience God's sovereignty and His love, it is so easy to see how no one can measure up unless they are God.

CHURCH: WHO GETS THE GLORY AGAIN??

Yesterday my mom was telling me of this church whose pastor was convicted of child molestation. And the church accepted him back and allowed him to be the pastor again.
I definitely support loving people no matter what they have done. BUT what's the point in setting standards for your leaders if they totally disregard it and then you allow them to receive their authority back? He needs some time with God first. He needs to sort through his stuff. And if the leaders in that church were asking God what they should do, I can guarantee God wouldn't have told them to put him back as the pastor.

Paul addressed sexual impurity in the church and how it should be dealt with.
Moses killed a guy and God had him wait 40 years in the desert.

And it didn't stop there. They had this scroll that was supposedly several years old, gave him the belt that held it together and then this bishop guy was declaring him a king in God's kingdom (which I believe we are only co-heirs and have only been called sons, soldiers, princes but I don't remember any of us being referred to as kings)
God is called the King of Kings.

Then they sat this man in a chair while these big buff guys lifted him up and paraded him around the stage.

Again, God is a jealous God and they are perverting what I believe in. It was disgusting as my mom told me about this video she watched of all this. I was so angry! It was like they were trying to lift this guy up and give him undeserved praise while using Christian-ese to justify what they were doing.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

What's the difference between the leaders of North Korea and this church?

A LOT!!

It's one thing to have a man that does not say he belongs to Christ to try and take the glory and honor that belongs to God but for someone who calls themselves a Christian to try to take what belongs to God, no no no NO!!

That is intolerable! God has killed for less. My mom said "I'm surprised the congregation didn't walk out." And I thought if I was there I would do that, but thinking about it more I just get so angry that I think I would say something. The more I swish this around in my mind the more I want to get up there stop the whole thing and show how wrong it is. It's just unbelievable.

MY ACHY BREAKY HEART

These people who try to take away God's honor, glory and praise and love.

How dare they?!

And inside my heart aches and my spirit grieves. When the spirit grieves it makes me feel like my soul wants to puke, like Noh Face from Spirited Away.

It's weird because I don't feel sick in my stomach, it's in my chest. Kind of like the feeling when you have horrible sick dream and as you wake up that feeling affects your whole body. You don't even want to start your day because you feel so disturbed, so sickened.

That's how I feel when I see and hear about these people doing this kind of crap.

"All The Things That Could Go Wrong"

“Children are happy because they don't have a file in their minds called "All the Things That Could Go Wrong.”
― Marianne Williamson

It's funny being at an age between a child and OLD and having a little bit of both in me. I realize the more responsibilities I've taken on in my life the more I act like a mom. "Don't put that THERE!" or "No it has to be done this way," "Adam, can you take out the trash right now?" because I know if I don't be specific he'll wait to take it out 5 days from now.

I say all these things and worry all the time because I've experienced not being prepared and having to deal with the consequences.

And for all those moms out there, you have more than one person your decisions affect so I empathize with you. But just a reminder, who really has your life in their hands?

So lets be like a child (something God said we should do) and live life instead of worrying what will go wrong with every step we take.

Epic Statement: The Proof is In the Valley

"If a man cannot prove his religion in the valley, it is not worth anything."

Along with the "Without Boundaries" series I have decided to also do "Epic Statement" which will be a quote I heard that I want to share with you guys.

So today's is by Oswald Chambers. I went to dinner with my aunt last night and she really challenged me to step up in my faith and she recommended reading My Utmost For His Highest. This was a quote that was on the website today. If you want to read today's entry of My Utmost For His Highest, click here.

Without Boundaries: Van Ness Wu

[Sorry no picture. Some technical errors]

I'm so excited about presenting this next person. More so than the others because this is a guy presenting the very things I want to talk about. He is a Taiwanese actor/singer/producer. And get this..... he's a CHRISTIAN!! And he lives it!! How exciting!!

So...Who is this?
I first saw him a Taiwanese show called Meteor Garden when I was 17 and just getting into chinese stuff. He came from America to start a career in Taiwan. A few years ago he decided to dedicate his life to Christ. Before he had said he was a christian but after the fame of being in a boy band and all that came with it he felt empty. He started talking to God and God came through.

What I am finding to be so amazing is he's still producing music, it's christian, and it sounds COOL! I mean, we seriously lack that, even in America.

Side Note:
(I want to take a second and say that I don't mean other not-so-epic-sounding songs aren't cool and that I can't worship to them. When the music takes priority over worshiping God then you are worshiping the music and not God)

But I think that if we can make music that worships God and it moves us, that that is how it should be. We should be worshiping him with the best. In different ways, because God is diverse. And God created music so why not use epic music to talk about Him?

Give This Guy Props
He's asian, he's a christian, and an entertainer.

My Vision for Asia
One time I was at a youth conference and there was a singer named Mike Kim (obviously Korean) and as I watched him worshiping I imagined the singers and entertainers in Japan performing for God. How would it look if those singers were worshiping God? It's a dream I have. There was another song that Newsboys sing and one of the lines says "The song of Asian believers Filled with God's holy fire"

That is a dream of mine to see that and experiencing just being in the room when that happens. Asians filled with the holy spirit, holding nothing back. I think asians are at their best when they don't care how they are acting. When their emotions are showing and they are giving it their all. That is beautiful. And it's one of the most tragic things their culture has done to them by telling them to hold back their emotions and "save face." It's so precious that moment when you see an asian giving their all.

The first thing that made me want to actually attempt to learn the Japanese language was when I was watching a show and the guy was yelling at someone. No I don't enjoy anger and people yelling at each other. I DO enjoy seeing someone's heart. Seeing who they really are. Without a mask. Without their act.

It's beautiful.

So when I see someone like Van ness Wu I see a part of my dream being fulfilled. And I'm floored. Check out his video: Is This All feat. Ryan Tedder

Want to see more about Van Ness Wu? Check out his website: Alive Not Dead

Without Boundaries Series: << Previous Next>>

G Dragon
August Rush
Van Ness Wu

Youtube Blog...Video Blog....Vlog??

For years I've wanted to use my youtube account for something other than watching videos and subscribing to channels. Now, I have a fabulous way to use it!

How did this idea start?
I was watching a video from Victor King and he was talking about this idea of his called Kingdom Mentality which is the idea that we have gifts, abilities, and dreams and they are our inheritance. Now, that soundly oddly familiar to me because it sounded just like what Christopher Hopper was teaching us at Dibor.

It got me thinking, people may not watch my videos because they probably won't be entertaining since I am not a comedian, I'm not a good enough singer, I don't have a weird talent, and I am not camera/internet/ tech savvy. I know some things but my videos would be pretty low tech.


AND THE IDEA.....??????
Kingdom Culture! Talking about kingdom ideas and principles that are in every day life. That are relevant to people like you and me today. What God is trying to bring to your life everyday! And it's not a bunch of:

~~~
"Well it says in the book of Acts....blah blah... so we need to find ways to implement that into our every day lives...."

'Great. How am I suppose to do that? This is boring. I'm going to go watch something not so lame.'

And then they turn it off and no one watches my channel. What a wast of time for them, for you, and for me.
~~~


But what wouldn't be a waste is to speak about truth and power that God wants to bring in our daily lives. Giving us something to be passionate about. To fight for. To put our creativity and intelligence into things that would seem minor to others but are monumental to the kingdom. And to me, if ONE person, only one, sees 10 seconds of one of my videos and it brings more of kingdom living to their lives it would not be wasted.

Like Christopher kept trying to get across to us is that we have Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, cell phones that can record video, send instant messages to anyone around the world, all this power and ability, literally, in our pockets, at the press of a button (or a couple) and we as Christians have not been using to the full effect as the world has. We've used it some but the world makes better use for God's inventions than we do! (they are God's ideas in the first place)


So, What Are We Going To Do About It?
Well, I'm going to start a Vlog talking about this kind of stuff. But if it's something I wouldn't watch while browsing through youtube then I'm not posting it. So look out for it.

Here's my channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/elfsoccer15

Subscribe and follow ^_^

What Makes Life Worth Living?

This is something that I've never written about before. I've only told a few people. When I was in elementary school, I was so depressed. I felt like all my friends left me, didn't care about me. I was nothing to everyone. The only person who would be sad if I was gone would be my mom. Luckily, I believed in God enough that I had to remind myself that God loved me too.

So there I was, crying on my bed, looking at the sky outside my window. I'm thinking about killing myself somehow. I think if I jump out my window it may not be far enough unless I hit the right way. And I think "What difference would it make if I didn't exist? Nobody at school would care. It would be one less person my family would have to worry about."

And then something in my head threw out the question, "What about in the future? What if you will be doing something you love and you will marry someone that really really likes you and loves you? What if the future has what you want?"

So I chose not to kill myself. There were several times I thought about it, trully considered it. The strongest time was in Dibor. I had been living trying to protect myself and trying to be strong. Trying to figure it out.

For 3 days I tried to live without emotion. I tried not to let anything bother me and just take it. Life could do what it wanted. I'm not allowed to get upset anyway. So I just need to not care. Don't feel. Just do.

I sat there, once, in the dark (going to the bathroom, LOL) and I thought, not letting things bother me like this works but I'm on the not so great side of it. Why do I even care about living if I don't care about anything? If I don't feel anything, I don't have any desire for anything, then what is the point?

I wasn't asking this out of depression. It was simple logic. Without desire for anything, then what was the point in living? Right now I don't care if I am working or not. I don't care if I have a hundred friends or not. So, what is the goal? What is the point when you aren't striving for anything?

Again I thought about killing myself. This time I was seriously considering it. I figured I could cut my wrist and wait until I got too tired to stay awake. But as I was imagining it there was thing in me that felt like breaks. Like when you are in a car and you have to stop really quick. That's what I felt like inside. Feeling that part of myself a few times after, to me, that place is where God's spirit and my soul have become one. I knew that to go through with killing myself would be betraying who I was.

It's not like I was being forced not to because I knew that if I decided to go through with it I could turn off what I felt and just let my brain run and I could do it because at that point it would be that same as putting on clothes, washing a car, anything that just requires small little thoughts of what needs to be done next but doesn't really require much from you.

There was my choice: betray who you are or continue going. Keep going after that WHAT IF...

That night I also promised God I would stop letting suicide to be an option. I hadn't realized until just then that it had been a part of my thought process for so long.

Life isn't easy and when you aren't looking for the gifts that are being given to you, life will seem unbearable. You WILL feel alone.

And when I started seeing those things, the more I saw that life was pretty good. It wasn't as pointless or crappy as I thought. And the more I saw God in my life. I mean, opened my eyes to see what God was doing and how he felt about me and believed it was true, the more I saw I am not alone. I've never been alone.

I don't see the point in living if you are without anyone you care about and cares about you, and without purpose. Finally, I was willing to see God had that for me. He planned it for my life before the earth was created. For whatever selfish reason, I wasn't really looking for what He was doing for me.

And when you don't see what God's doing, EVERYTHING looks hopeless and pointless. That is the truth. Whatever you're going after, whatever is filling you right now, it's going to be those times in the middle of the night, in the morning before your busyness starts, when you're going to the bathroom and the whole world is shut out for a moment, those are the times you weigh your life and the things in it.

That's when I see TV and the crap on it, as just that: crap. Nothing. People wanting to be the next American Idol. Working for money. Going through lover after lover trying to find "the one." Pointless. Sometimes people strive their whole lives for stuff they will never reach. Looks. Fashion. Being the best. Even leaving a legacy or being the greatest at something and to be remembered can seem pointless.

I couldn't tell you who has ever won a Super Bowl. I don't know who won which World Series. I could've lived some where and never heard the name Obama, Washington, Hitler, Caesar, or whoever. What is the point?

So, when I'm sitting there considering these things what do I do when I open the door to face the world again?

What's worth living for? What do I value?

I value being loved and doing something monumental. And the only one that I know who is doing anything worth being called monumental is God. And He is the one that loves me so much He is with me all the time. He never leaves me.

So, that's me. That's what keeps me going. That's why I am not dead, or why I didn't die at the age of 10.

Without Boundaries: August Rush

"Listen. Can you hear it? The music. I can hear it everywhere. In the wind... in the air... in the light. It's all around us. All you have to do is open yourself up. All you have to do... is listen." -August Rush a.k.a Evan Taylor

This blog is about my journey of growing as God intended and not bending to expectations or approval of others. I'm starting a series of entries called "Without Boundaries" which will be about people who show God's out-of-the-box qualities. People who break the walls of the box we live in. They stretch limits, they're original. They live with their hearts. They are living.

"August Rush"? What a name!
Even though it is a fictional story August Rush had the characteristics for my Without Boundaries theme. In case you haven't seen the movie, August Rush is a story about a boy searching for his parents by listening to the music he hears around him. In the wind, dogs barking, car horns, and anything that makes a sound. He believes that if he follows the music and plays it that his parents will find him. He is taken in by a church and they realize he is a child prodigy. Throughout the film every instrument he picks up he learns very quickly on his own to play it at a professional level. The pastor of the church sends him to Julliard where he conducts a rhapsody at a performance where his mother finds him and reunites with his father.

"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you. But I believe in music the way that some people believe in fairy tales."
There are several "bullies" in the film that try to make the main characters (Evan and his parents) do what they want them to do and be who they tell them to be.

At the beginning of the film there is a bully at the orphanage that calls Evan a freak and tells him that he can't hear his parents and he will never see them.

Evan's mom, Lyla, is controlled by her father who pushes her in her career as a cellist.

His father, Louis, is forced by his brother to keep performing in their rock band long after Louis wants to quit.

Later, when Evan runs away to NYC he meets Wizard who exploits young homeless children by making them perform music on the street for money. When he sees Evan's talent he uses him to get gigs at local bars. One time when Wizard tells him to stop playing and Evan protests, he throws Evan against a wall and yells, "You play when I say play. You breathe when I say breathe! You got that boy? You forget about your parents! They were pretty quick to forget about you!"

But unrelentingly, Evan doesn't let the perceptions of the bullies in his life define who he is or distract him from his goal: to be found by his parents.


The music is all around us, all you have to do is listen
All throughout the movie you want to be a part of this music. More than the story, Evan's passion about music stirs your soul. We all want to be a part of something greater than ourselves. And Evan's journey by music entices that part of your soul and it invites you in through the music played throughout the movie.

DJ's Got Us Falling In Love Again
Christopher Hopper said something really epic. He said,"Music is the only form of media that we allow into our soul uninvited." Think about the songs you listen to on a regular basis. Take a second and remember what the words are actually saying. When you listen to those songs do you always feel/think the way the artist is in that song? But you sing it with such conviction anyway. Why? Because it speaks to your soul. Have you ever felt your heartbreaking when you sing a love song even though you haven't recently had your heart broken. Actually, life is going pretty well for you but that you still feel the ache when you sing it?

Can't Sing "Mr. Brightside"
I can't sing "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers anymore because it affects me so much that I want to cry, even though I am not in love, I've never been in love with a prostitute and I don't know what it feels like to be in that situation... I'm not a man and I am not in love with a woman. So this song doesn't really speak to anything that has happened in my life. But I still feel his pain as my own. By the second verse I want to cry. I want to puke at the thought of her being in someone else's arms.

So, do you agree we allow music in our souls uninvited or do you think that you are unaffected by what you listen to?

If there is a song(s) that affect you for no reason, what are they? What is the song about and what do you think/feel when you listen to it?

Post your comments. 'Cause I like 'em ^_^

If you would like to see more thoughts about how music affects us check out this link: MUSIC

Without Boundaries Series: << Previous Next>>

G Dragon
August Rush
Van Ness Wu