I haven't posted in a while, but if you are interested in what I was doing you can read my blog from this past year while I was Dibor, a discipleship program in NY, at: enterthedibor.blogspot.com
I have turned 21 and I have drank alcohol on my 21st birthday, which I drank with my friend Esther who is the same exact age as me. So we celebrated it together. Today I was alone ALL day long. It was pretty good because I think God could talk to me more since I wasn't distracted by other people. I had a toothache and I thought putting some of the alcohol I bought would help. It did. Put now I feel a little tipsy, that's the word I think they use for this. The feeling isn't much different from taking 2 or 3 Benedryll, except that you are not as tired. And rum, if you plug your nose, isn't much different from the taste of Dayquil/Nyquil.
Anyway, the reason I want to write this isn't to talk about being drunk or anything like that, but what God is showing me with this. I feel very free at the moment. I can't hear Satan's lies about how ridiculous I look while I am on the floor crying out to God while I sing Forever Reign. I say out loud what comes to mind. I am free to talk with God without having to hear and be constrained by what Satan is telling me.
I think most people would look at me and say that I am drunk.I do have a somewhat hard time walking straight, but like I said it's no different than when I have taken Benedryll, except I'm not as tired. But what is going on in my mind is much different than what you can see on the outside. I am thinking clearly. I mean, I can type this well enough. The point is, I'm at a point I want to be at the rest of my life. Living in freedom. I am being everything in my mind I've wanted to do but would always hesitate and never do. Instead of just thinking things to God, I am saying them loud and clear. No reservations. From my heart straight to him. No mind interaction. Isn't that the reason for speaking in tongues. Talking to God without our minds, our little understanding of things to get in the way. Believe me, I am not promoting drinking, let alone drunkenness. I never want to get anywhere beyond this point. I think God is making sure that at least my mind is all together. And this isn't the way to have relationship with God.
What I am trying to say is that it is showing me what Adele looks like when she's not worried about what she looks like or what she sound like.
It is pure Adele.
And it is my aim to be like this everyday of my life. Constantly 100% me with God, all the time. Yeah, my body feels pretty good, but you know my spirit feels pretty free right now. And if my body has to endure pain or whatever the cost, I intend to live with openness like this with God for the rest of my life.
A substance or experience isn't going to keep you like this with God. Being all open with God over and over again isn't going to come through any other means because anything you go to besides God is an addiction. And addictions are a brilliant design from Satan to keep you prisoner and sidetracked from God.
The wrong idea we have is formulas. They work in science and math but not with God. He doesn't like doing things the same way twice. When Jesus healed in the bible, he spits on someone, he spits in the dirt and then rubs it on their eyes, he touches them, he says "Get up and walk", and sometimes all he says is "Your faith has healed you." I mean where is the mediocrity in that?!!!
And we have addictions/formulas on how we get God to move the way we want him to. But hey, SURPRISE!! God doesn't move because we want him to, he does it because He wants to. But he's chosen to wait until we want him to. HOW Romantic!! So these formulas. Well here's one: "If I ask God again, with more praising and more of the spiritual warfare lingo maybe he'll come through" or what about "If I fast for seven days (God's special number) then God will give me the raise I need"
Hey! I'e done that thinking A LOT! I've believed that no matter what I am thinking or feeling, if I do what God wants, if I sacrifice the right way or say the right specific thing I will get what I want.
We BELIEVE these lies and this way of life is just like any other addiction. It's what we rely on other than the heart of God. We want to take life into our control and get what we want if we do these certain things. How different is this logic than anyone who has any kind of addiction. "I can't get a hold of things, but if I do this I know what result I will get and its going to make everything better." I'm not talking about the physical stuff of addictions, but our way of justifying in our minds.
God is not a cash machine that if we press the right buttons in the right combination then he will come through for us. That's religion at it's very best. It's pretending, being a poser ad that's how we lose our hearts. That's where we become cold, we lose ourselves and we start to wonder why we are doing this in the first place.
I've been there. And it sucks!
But not seeing God's heart, we lose our own. By not seeing who he is and his purpose for us, we lose ours.
God just wants your heart back. And he wants you to see his.
No comments:
Post a Comment